a change of speed, a change of style.
a change of scene, with no regrets.
a chance to watch, admire the distance.
still occupied, though you forget.
different colours, different shades,
over each mistakes were made.
i took the blame.
directionless so plain to see.
a loaded gun wont set you free.
so you say.

we'll share a drink and step outside.
an angry voice and one who cried,
we'll give you everything and more.
the strain's too much, cant take much more.
oh, i've walked on water, run through fire.
cant seem to feel it anymore.
it was me, waiting for me,
hoping for something more.
me, seeing me this time,
hoping for something else.



..
'i always looked to you.'
bagir.'dead fly dance'ini yap.insanlar gulsun.birak,insanlar anlamasin.
biz geceriz transa.zihnimdeki tahtakurulariyla.!ve senin gozlerinle.
'the shouting is over.'
sen,gittin.
soyleyecek pek bir soz yok,biliyor musun.
pek anlamli degil harfler.soldular sanirim.
bilmiyorum.

'i put my trust in you.'

FIRST BREATH AFTER COMA

with tired eyes, tired minds and tired souls,
we slept.
as our eyes being dark, like the sky in
the blind hours of night,
we saw explosions.
explosions made me feel like i was a hole
in an universe filled with tears.
teardrops,
like the explosions in the sky
burnt my soul.
i couldnt reach her.
my tired soul was wet
with butterfly's tears.
you never saw them.
i was lying
with tired eyes, tired mind and tired soul_
your ghost's shadow was walking over me.
as i slept crying
the sky, turned to grey
you werent there.
you never wanted to be.
and i couldnt reach you
when i let my first breath
after coma .


(ulas.) -fall '07

i dont know. what if it breaks?

çocukluk.

ben her zaman gürültünün hainliğini buldum çocukluğumda biraz da. sen her zaman sessizliğin rahatlığını buldun.
ben her zaman plastik bebeklerin yalancılığını çıkardım çocukluğumdan. sen bez bebeklerle tükettin ilk nefeslerini.
ben çoğu zaman bir mezarlığın arkamdan gelmesini buldum çocukluğumda. sen çoğu zaman bir parka varış yolunu.
ben hep griyi gördüm çocukluğumda; sanki bir renkmişçesine hissettim onu. sen hep siyahı gördün; sanki başlı başına bir cennetmiş gibi yaşadın onu.
'keşke olsaydı...'lar çıktı karşıma çocukluğumda; buldular beni yalnız başıma. 'çok rahatım!'lar karşıladı seni, o kalabalık çocukluğunda.
ben biraz simit [ç]almışım çocukluğumdan aslında. sen çokça bal vermişsin kendininkine.
ben her zaman farelerin ürkekçe çıkardıkları seslerin beynime işlemelerini buldum kendi kanalizasyon çocukluğumda. sen atların cesur haykırışlarının kulaklarını doldurmasını, kendi saray çocukluğunda.

sonra birbirimizi bulduk. tükettik anları. sonra senin sefilliğini buldum kendi çocukluğumda. sonra benim krallığımı buldun kendi çocukluğunda. nefret ettik birbirimizden. ve o gece, iki karganın, pencere pervazından aynı anda havalanip aynı anda iki uçan mürekkep balığı yediği o nefessiz gecede, aynı anda astık birbirimizi, KENDİ ÇOCUKLUĞUMUZA.!


(ulaş.)

i know what you felt.
nobody understood you, nobody understands me. nobody understood and nobody understands what we have done, what we have tried to do.
and it's too late now.
DEAD SOULS ARE EVERYWHERE.
and it's too late now. .
like what you said once, 'i've got the spirit, but lose the feeling.'
im losing my favorite game, called life.
you tried something. you really did. even i wasnt there, i know what you've tried to do. but they didnt understand, they didnt want to and they didnt try to.
and it's too late now.
maybe you didnt realize what'd happen. well, i cant imagine what will happen next.
I FEEL IT CLOSING IN.
your voice. your screaming vocals. your teary voice. your hardcore-softporn vocals...
they're coming from deep inside, where your soul is. where your heart is. where your peace, love and empathy is.
you burnt out -just like kurdt kobane- because you knew life itself couldnt understand you. you have been trying to scream, but they laid you to the silence. the dark silence. the dead silence.
there were no choices but to pull the rope. and sleep.
sleep my friend.
just await me. because i'll meet you. somewhere, somehow.

i see you fade away.
dont ever fade away.
i need you here today.

walk in silence,
dont walk away, in silence.
see the danger, always danger.
endless talking, life rebuilding.
dont walk away.


rest in peace.